Top 10 Funny Weed Quotes You Need to Know About

funny weed quotes

Did you know up to 84% of the population is in favor of legalizing marijuana for medicinal purposes? And have you heard the saying that “laughter is the best medicine”?

It’s true that laughter has tons of great health benefits, just like marijuana.

That’s why we’ve got 10 funny weed quotes to keep you laughing. Forget apples – the combination of laughter and pot will definitely keep the doctor away!

1) “Of Course I Know How To Roll A Joint.” -Martha Stewart

Martha is known for being perfect in every way. From her perfectly tended garden to her incredible Thanksgiving tablescapes, there’s nothing this crafting magnate can’t do.

That includes rolling up a fatty. To quote Martha again, it’s a good thing!

2) “When I Was A Kid I Inhaled Frequently. That Was The Point.” – Barack Obama

Will there ever be another president as cool as Barry O? Whoever tries to steal his crown will have some big shoes to fill.

3) “They’ve Outlawed The No. 1 Vegetable On The Planet.” — Timothy Leary

One of the best funny weed quotes from the guy who got a generation to “turn on, tune in, drop out”. Eat your greens, kids!

4.) “Marijuana Is Not A Drug!!! I Used To Suck D*ck For Coke! You Ever Suck D*CK For Marijuana?”- Bob Saget

Danny Tanner has a point – a hilarious, vulgar point. Luckily you don’t have to go this far for the good stuff – places like Leafbuyer can help hook you up.

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5) “Forty Million Americans Smoked Marijuana; The Only Ones Who Didn’t Like It Were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas And Bill Clinton.” — Jay Leno

Let’s face it – they were probably lying, too!

6) “I Used To Smoke Marijuana…

…But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening – or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, mid-evening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early mid-afternoon, or perhaps the late mid-afternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early-morning…But never at dusk.” – Steve Martin

Totally relatable! Does this sound more like you or your friends’ smoke schedule?

7) “The Other Day They Asked Me About Mandatory Drug Testing. I Said I Believed In Drug Testing A Long Time Ago…

…All through the sixties I tested everything.” – Bill Lee / Pitcher for Boston Red Sox

The reason this makes the list of the top funny weed quotes is for the slow burn.

8) “In Our Culture, The Native Americans, When Two Strangers Come Together…

…We smoke the peace pipe.” – Tatanka / WWF Wrestler

(Replying to Tatanka) “Really? My people do the same thing.” – Rob Van Dam / WWF Wrestler

A two-parter!

9) “I Got High, And Forgot I Wasn’t Supposed To Get High.” – Ricky Williams / Running Back for Miami Dolphins


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10) “There Are Only Two Kinds Of Dealers. Those Who Need Forklifts, And Those Who Don’t.” – Tom Forcade / Founder of High Times Magazine

Where’s the lie?

Keep Reading For More Than Just Funny Weed Quotes!

We’ve got you giggling, but we’ve got lots of other info you need to check out.

Whether it’s breaking it to mom and dad that you partake or learning how to manage social as a dispensary, we’ve got more than just funny weed quotes.

Come back frequently for the dankest memes, life hacks, and tips and tricks to improve your life!